i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Your penis caused this!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
