Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's never too late to be topless.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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