I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
