I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
