In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
