Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
