If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
