I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
