youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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