i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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