Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
