I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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