You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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