I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
