Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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