how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
