I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
