two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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