i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
