i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
