apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
