I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Holy shit dude........stairs
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
