We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
