We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
