i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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