my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Welp...herpes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
