We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
