he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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