feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
