I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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