This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
