My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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