i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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