that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
