I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
