im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
