She is in my trunk
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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