just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I pour the whiskey from now on
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
