i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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