just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize