she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
