Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize