i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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