Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
