oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
