At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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