I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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