all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
