He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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