Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize