We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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