Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
id be glad to
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
