I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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