all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
