if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
