my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
