and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
