he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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