Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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