I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
