Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
