I'm really into asian looking animals
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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