whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
