this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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