I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
