I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We talked him into tasing himself.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
