I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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